Before I started teaching and was doing my TESLcourse, my
friends and I coined the term, “What the fuck am I doing in Thailand???”
Basically, when you stay in a different country for a long period of time, the
things tourists would normally find cute and touristic become strange things
that form part of your daily life. Sometimes things get so strange that they
can’t be described or explained, and all you can really say about the situation
and life in general is, “What the fuck am I doing in Thailand??”
Apparently after a couple of months of staying in a foreign
country every foreigner goes through a period of culture shock. Personally I
don’t feel that this term really explains what exactly what I've been through
because there hasn't been a singular time period where I've realized how
strange things are… I find strange things and strange things happen to me
almost every day. And for this reason I have some up with a different term to
describe what I’m going through, “what
the fuck am I doing in Thailand” syndrome.
Puud Thai Mai Dai
ka (I don’t speak Thai)
One of the biggest adjustment issues any person has when
moving to a country like Thailand is the huge communication barrier between
locals and foreigners. The only thing worse than not being able to communicate
what you mean, is constantly miscommunicating what you mean. Miscommunications
have caused me to tell one of my teachers that I think she has really beautiful
feet when all I wanted to say was that she had nice nail polish. I've
unintentionally said yes to being someone’s girlfriend on numerous occasions ,
basically there are tons of times when things just don’t end up being
understood the way you want them be understood at all. So what happens, When
something really, really important get miscommunicated???
DUM DUM DUM
I live close enough to my school to come and go as I please
as long as I don’t have any classes. So basically, I hardly ever need to even
use the school bathrooms. On one particularly hot day I made the mistake of
consuming two liters of water before going to class. Between classes I was
bursting for the loo and knew that I didn't have enough time to go home. I
reluctantly chose to use the teachers’ bathrooms. Here’s the thing, when you
can’t read Thai you miss the small details in life, like a signs that say,
“Lock is broken.” Needless to say I used
the restroom blissfully unaware of the crucial mistake I had just made. While
using the restroom I heard someone attempting to come inside. I obviously
called out that I was inside, which was a waste of energy since the person on
the other side of the door couldn't speak English. The person on the other side
said something in Thai, to which I replied, “No” assuming that this person
asked if they could come inside.
Next thing I know the bathroom door swings open and in
strolls one of my teachers! The man was so mortified by the unfolding events
that he screamed like a 6-year old girl and run out the door. At this exact
moment my fight or flight instincts kicked in and my “flight mode” activated.
Problem being that the bathroom wall is about 200cm away from the toilet.
Basically I flew into the bathroom wall head first (because my hands were on my
pants.) I knew I couldn’t let go of my pants so I had to wriggle myself off of
the wall like some sort of dying slug, all while my co-teacher was still
screaming. Of course by now everyone had
heard the commotion and had gathered around to see two mortified teachers and
one bloody nose.
Turns out he asked if I was using the bathroom, not if he
could come inside.
Wait... what???
We all know exactly what I’m talking about. I had just
jumped off of the bus in Udon Thani, it’s 5am and all I need to know is where I
can find a Taxi. I go up to the next
person I see and ask “Sorry, Can you speak English?” Secretly I’m overwhelmingly excited because I know I can finally get some sleep in the
Taxi!!!
The man smiles at you. He’s about to tell you everything you
need to know … He begins to speak with the confidence of someone who’s been
speaking English for decades, and with a perfect English accent he utters the
words “yes!”
…Wait what?
“Do you know where I can find A Taxi?”
“Yes!”
“Okay well where are they?”
“Yes!”
“Are you a cross-dressing psychopath with necrophiliac
tendencies?”
“Yes!”
That one gets me. Every. Damn. Time.
These are just two of my favourite stories to tell when I’ve
been asked about what it’s like actually living in a place where almost
everyone vacations. Basically what I have to say about living abroad is that no
matter how many culture books you read, and no
matter how many people give you survival tips,(by the way I’ve been
living here long enough to say hello and how are you in Thai please stop
telling me that one perma-vacationers.) You’ll always be wildly unprepared for
life’s daily challenges. It’s seven months in and I still get confused by the
cultural difference between a westerner and a Thai. I’ve learnt to take each
miscommunication with a pinch of salt and a dash of laughter even though more
often than not I’d prefer to scream like the crazy foreigner I am. One thing is
for certain though, no matter how difficult the cultural divide is, it is one of
the most fascinating and inspiring ways to learn about yourself.
but in all honesty I actually prefer using squatting pans in public places now, strangely enough.
Typical Thai bathroom. your shower is on your toilet which is in your sink. Except this bathroom's got hot water (the little box next to the shower head) I don't have hot water.
So the dish below is called pad gra pow moo (basil fried pork) my favourite Thai dish. The dish above is a specialty of my town basil fired frog. I only found out the latter was frog after three months.
So this is how fish dishes are served here. you can't flip the fish because it's bad luck and yes, some people eat the eyes.
